The Sound of Silence

Sunday, July 31, 2011

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The sun has set on my last "staycation" day (not counting tomorrow since I actually plan to clean & do a little work.)  I think it's sort of funny to say that I'm actually glad.  To steal from Simon & Garfunkel, the "sound of silence" has been a bit deafening.  Yes, I have sat back and relaxed for the most part; honestly doing nothing of great importance beyond wandering aimlessly around an empty house and filling my time with mind-numbing television or silly games on the computer.  This is exactly what I wanted.  The one factor I never truly figured in is the fact that my day does not feel complete without my daughter. I needed this time but without the sound of her mischievous laughter, or the sound of her little feet running through and filling this home, it just doesn't feel... well... right.

I think it all boils down to my noticing lately that I'm going through slight growing pains with my Wild Child. I never thought I'd be one of those mothers; however, I am feeling the pains of her growing up- feeling like it is happening too fast.  She has always been so independent yet knowing that she will be going to elementary school this year (kindergarten), I just long to spend as much time with her as I can before it is too late and she doesn't have the time for me anymore.  My job's odd hours have kept us somewhat apart this summer and I realize that this weekend is just one weekend closer to her going to school.  Wow, am I going to be one of those moms that ends up tearing up as I drop her off on her first day?  I look back at some of her baby pictures and it feels like it was just yesterday, not over five years ago.

I know this is the inevitable.  I know practically every mother has gone through this at least once in their life.  It just hit me more since she's been gone this weekend. I feel like if I blink my eyes more years will fly by and she will be going on her first date... getting her driver's license... graduating and going off to college.

See what this sound of silence has gotten me? There are no outside stimulants to keep me from going to the land of the overprotective mother while she is away.  Maybe from this I should simply take the old saying "absence makes the heart grow fonder."  When she returns home I will give her the biggest hug and kiss- and the next time she does something that makes me want to pull my hair out, I should simply take a moment to breathe and remember, she won't be with me forever, and I should cherish every single second I have with her as my little girl who still needs her mommy.

My lesson learned from this particular weekend?  Linda Wooten said it best when she said "Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't know you had, and dealing with fears you didn't know existed."

*Image found at google images.


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