Monday, September 5, 2011

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It has certainly been a while so I figured it was about time to check in.  I must admit that work is taking up every corner of my mind right now... between working on the acquisition of a historic train depot, the continued work on building up a monthly event in our downtown area, the recent completion of the installation of a bike rack downtown & the completion of a business facade grant, trying to find grant money for my own organization, and also having a major concert coming up- well, my brain is on overload.  I feel pulled in more directions than I ever thought possible- and yet, I couldn't be happier! 

I will be the first to say that I have no right to complain about my job after spending the better part of the last two years unemployed and seriously unsure of what the future may hold.  Actually, I'm still unsure of my future seeing as how this job I love I honestly can't afford to stay in... but that is just one of those irons in the ongoing fire that I am working through.  For now I can say I love what I do- I love the fact that I am able to make such a difference- and I will simply leave it at that.

So, the question of the day is- why do I feel so out of sorts?  When September rolled around I actually felt like I was coming out of some summer stupor; however, I am yet again feeling restless.  I realize that I refer to one too many movies yet, I had that feeling today when I was outside and the wind was blowing hard- well, do you remember in the movie "Chocolat" how the wind told the main character it was time to move on?  I was, oddly enough, getting that same message.

Okay, call me crazy... but I have known for ages now that I am indeed a restless spirit that does not want to settle in one spot too long (until, of course, I make my way to the coast of Maine!)  When I was married and living in another neighboring town, all I could think about was getting out of there- moving.  Well, when we separated I did move, here to the Wild Woods.  A sort of peace came over me yet now that restlessness has returned and every second not spent on work or taking care of my daughter is spent daydreaming about the two of us just setting out on some wild adventure to some new place we could call home.  It becomes this ache in my belly wanting to start over... constantly wanting to start fresh and create an entirely new life.

Oh how I wish I could just be content.  It is just not in my nature.  So, do I follow that old wind's advice- or do I wrestle with that discontent until I finally tame it into submission?  Much like all the madness in my life... only time will tell.


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